How a first interview is like a first date

(Image: Ljubodrag Vasiljevic)

In my years of recruiting, my friends and family often referred to me as a headhunter, but I found the best way to describe myself was as a matchmaker for employers and jobseekers. Thinking of the interview process in similar terms – as a courtship – is a great way to prepare.

Just like on a first date, the more insecure you seem, the more uncomfortable your interviewer will be. That’s why a little preparation goes a long way. Keep these tips in mind, and you’ll come across as confident, competent, and a catch.

Hold back a bit. Listen and observe before talking off-the-cuff. You have to feel out your interviewer’s personality and, to a certain extent, mirror it. When it’s your turn to ask questions, don’t go too deep: You wouldn’t ask a first date about marriage and kids. Rather than getting into details about salary, benefits, or advancement possibilities, you might want to ask about the history of the position (“How long was the previous person in this role?”) or the organizational culture.

Talk positively about yourself and your experience. Prepare to answer questions about your past, your challenges, and your successes; what drew you to the open position; and also, inevitably, what happened to end your last partnership. Just like in dating, never bad-mouth previous partners: Playing the victim isn’t attractive, and you never know who your interviewer might know.

Roll with the punches. In most situations, a hiring manager will let you know the interview process, but if they provide only a vague overview – or less – don’t blink. Remember that every culture is different. Consider a first date who brings a chaperone along unexpectedly: If you’re really interested, you’d better embrace the arrangement!

Don’t burn bridges. Sometimes, it takes just a few minutes to realize that you and your date aren’t a match; in those cases, the best tactic is to be polite and get through it as painlessly as possible. It’s perfectly appropriate to tell an interviewer, at the end of the conversation, that you appreciate the opportunity, but it just doesn’t seem to be a match. Being dismissive or rude can endanger future prospects: Your next date may be this person’s best friend!

Follow up. The perfect end to a great date is establishing that you both had a great time. If you’re feeling sparks, be sure to reach out to your interviewer to acknowledge them and ask if there’s mutual interest in a second encounter. With these tips in mind, you could be “meeting the family” before you know it.

Chelle Shell is senior client development manager at Work for Good.

This article was fact-checked and updated in February 2024.
 

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